The Power of Encouraging Words: Building Others Up

This past week, I took a much-needed break and went on a trip to Charlotte with my youngest son and his family. We spent an afternoon walking through IKEA and playing at Topgolf, and the next day was devoted to back-to-school shopping for the grandkids.

I loved spending that time with them, but one small thing stood out to me more than anything we bought or anywhere we went. I noticed how their faces lit up every time they received a little praise.

A simple, “That was great,” or, “You did a good job,” brought the biggest smiles to their faces. It reminded me just how powerful our words can be.

Our Words Can Hurt or Heal

Earlier in the week, I had read a short devotional about the power of words. Words are an incredible tool. They can cut someone to the core and tear them down, or they can build someone up and fill their heart with joy.

The truth is, I have been guilty of wanting to cut someone to the core.

I am sure most of us have been in a situation where someone said something mean or hurtful, and we immediately wanted to hurl an equally painful comment right back. We wanted to defend ourselves, prove a point, or make sure the other person hurt just as much as we did.

Normally, I do not say something hurtful in return. I would love to tell you that it is because I always show wonderful self-control, but the truth is usually much less impressive. Nothing clever comes to mind until about three days later.

By then, I have created the perfect comeback while folding laundry or trying to fall asleep. Apparently, my wit likes to arrive after the party is over.

However, watching the grandchildren beam when they were praised made me wonder if my inability to produce a quick comeback might actually be a blessing in disguise.

The Problem With a Good Zinger

One of my favorite scenes from the movie You’ve Got Mail is when Kathleen Kelly tells Joe Fox that she wishes she could come up with the perfect “zinger” when someone hurts her.

Joe warns her that once she gains that ability, she will regret the words as soon as they leave her mouth. The words might feel satisfying for a moment, but they would be spoken in anger and intended to wound.

Later in the movie, Kathleen finally gets her chance to say exactly what she has been thinking. Joe was right. Instead of feeling victorious, she immediately feels terrible.

Isn’t that usually how it works?

We imagine that saying the perfect cutting remark will make us feel powerful. Instead, it often leaves us carrying regret long after the argument is over.

Let Your Words Be an Encouragement

Ephesians 4:29 gives us clear instructions about the words we choose.

Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
²⁹ Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

That verse does not simply tell us to avoid foul or abusive language. It tells us to make sure our words are good, helpful, and encouraging to the people who hear them.

That can be difficult, especially when someone has hurt us first.

I have been on the receiving end of those painful zingers, and they felt terrible. I usually focused only on how the words made me feel. I never stopped to consider what the person who said them might have felt afterward.

I assumed they were probably proud of their ability to tear someone apart with a sentence. But what if they were immediately filled with regret? What if they replayed the conversation later and wished they could take the words back?

We cannot know what is happening inside another person’s heart. We can only decide what we will do with our own words.

Choose a Response You Will Not Regret

Maybe silence is sometimes the wisest answer. Not every comment deserves a response, and not every disagreement needs a winner.

But perhaps there are times when we can go one step further.

Instead of returning an insult, we might say, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I still think you are a good person.”

I will admit, that would not always be easy. Some days, simply keeping my mouth closed feels like an Olympic event. Still, choosing restraint is far better than saying something I will later wish I could erase.

Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that a gentle answer can calm an angry situation.

Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
¹A gentle answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.

A gentle answer does not mean we have to agree with everything that is said to us. It does not mean we allow someone to mistreat us or repeatedly cross our boundaries. It means we refuse to let another person’s harsh words decide the kind of words that come out of our own mouths.

Encouraging Words Can Change Someone’s Day

Seeing the grandkids respond to praise reminded me that encouragement does not have to be elaborate.

A sincere compliment, a thank-you, or a few kind words can completely change someone’s day. We may never know how badly the person in front of us needs to hear that they are appreciated, noticed, or doing a good job.

Children are not the only ones who glow when they are encouraged. Adults do too. We may be better at hiding it, but kind words still matter.

• What if we became more intentional about using our words to make people feel seen and valued?
• What if we praised the cashier who handled a long line with patience, thanked the friend who always checks on us, or told a family member something we genuinely appreciate about them?

The world gives people plenty of reasons to feel criticized, overlooked, and discouraged. We can choose to be different.

Our Mothers Might Have Been Right

It turns out our mothers knew what they were talking about when they said, “If you don’t have something nice to say, say nothing at all.”

But perhaps we can take that advice one step further. Instead of simply avoiding hurtful words, we can actively look for opportunities to say something kind.

Our words have power. We get to decide how we will use them.

• We can use them to wound, or we can use them to heal.
• We can tear someone down, or we can build someone up.

Today, let’s choose words that leave people feeling better than they did before they encountered us.

To GOD Goes The Glory!

Have A Blessed Day!

Let’s End With a Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank You for reminding me that my words carry power. Forgive me for the times I have spoken in anger, held on to hurtful thoughts, or wanted to use my words to wound someone who wounded me.

Please help me pause before I speak. Guard my heart and my mouth, especially when I feel angry, embarrassed, or defensive. Give me the wisdom to know when to speak, when to remain silent, and how to respond with grace.

Help me use my words to encourage the people around me. Open my eyes to those who may need kindness, praise, or reassurance today. Let the words I speak reflect Your love and leave others feeling seen, valued, and cared for.

In Jesus’ name, amen.