Choosing Love When It Doesn’t Come Easy

Last year, I wrote about love and shared a story about my granddaughter. I talked about how much I love her and how she never questions that love, even when she makes a mistake or gets into trouble.

That is one of the sweetest things about children. They might pout, cry, or give you the “I have been deeply wronged” look, but most of the time, they still know they are loved. They do not usually stop and wonder, “Is NeeNee finished with me because I spilled juice on the rug?” Thank goodness, because if spilled drinks canceled love, my house would have been in trouble a long time ago. Lol!

That kind of love gives us a tiny glimpse of the love our Heavenly Father has for us. His love is everlasting. His love does not disappear when we mess up, wander off, say the wrong thing, or make a royal mess of things.

But here is something I have been thinking about lately.

Love is not only a feeling. Love is a choice.

Real Love Requires A Choice

I do not care how much you love someone; there will be moments when love has to be chosen.

Feelings are wonderful, but they can be fickle little things. One minute we feel warm and fuzzy, and the next minute someone leaves dirty socks on the floor, eats the last cookie, or says something that makes our blood pressure rise like a thermometer in July.

That is when love moves from a feeling to a decision.

Real love keeps showing up. Real love forgives. Real love does not mean we ignore hurt, excuse bad behavior, or pretend everything is fine when it is not. But real love does mean we ask God to help us respond with grace, wisdom, patience, and sometimes a zipped lip. That last one may need extra prayer at my house. Lol!

Family Love Is Still A Choice

We do not choose the family we are born into. We come into this world with parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a whole cast of characters. Some are easy to love, and some may require what I like to call “advanced Christian training.”

Just because someone is related to us does not mean love always comes naturally. There may be family members we feel close to, family members we enjoy from a healthy distance, and family members we have to love with boundaries.

That still counts.

Love does not always mean constant closeness. Sometimes love means praying for someone, forgiving what you can, releasing what you cannot fix, and trusting God with the rest.

Family love can be beautiful, but it can also be complicated. The choice to love may not always feel warm and fuzzy, but it can still honor God.

Friendship Love Can Change Over Time

Friendship love is another kind of love we choose.

Some friends become as close as family. They are the ones we laugh with, cry with, travel with, shop with, and tell things we probably should have kept to ourselves. Every woman needs at least one friend who can say, “Gurl, no,” and still make you feel loved.

But friendships can also change.

Sometimes people drift apart. Sometimes a misunderstanding grows bigger than it should. Sometimes one careless word cuts deeper than anyone expected. Sometimes life simply pulls people in different directions.

When that happens, we have choices to make.

We can choose forgiveness, even if the friendship never goes back to what it was. We can choose peace, even if the closeness fades. We can choose to be thankful for what the friendship once was instead of being bitter about what it became.

That is not always easy, but love rarely asks us to do the easy thing.

Marriage Love Is A Daily Decision

All you have to do is look around to see that marriage love is a choice.

Desire, affection, passion, and companionship are all wonderful parts of marriage, but they are not the whole story. Marriage also includes bills, bad moods, forgotten appointments, snoring, laundry, and somebody loading the dishwasher wrong.

Not that I have any experience with that. (Insert eye roll).

There are days when marriage feels easy, and there are days when love requires patience, humility, forgiveness, and a whole lot of prayer. When your spouse disappoints you, frustrates you, or hurts your feelings, you have a choice to make.

That does not mean staying in an unsafe or unhealthy situation. Please hear me on that. Love does not require someone to accept abuse or mistreatment.

But in everyday marriage, the kind made of normal annoyances, mistakes, apologies, and growing pains, love is something we choose over and over again.

We choose to forgive.
We choose to try again.
We choose to remember why we loved them in the first place.
We choose to ask God to soften our hearts before we sharpen our tongues.

And sometimes we choose to let the dirty socks sit there until they notice them. That may not be biblical, but it sure is tempting.

We Also Choose To Love God

We have to choose to love our Heavenly Father, just like we choose to love the people in our lives.

But there is another part that we sometimes overlook. We also have to choose to accept His love. That can be hard, can’t it?

We know our own thoughts. We know our past mistakes. We know the things we have said, done, ignored, and regretted. We know the times we have been stubborn, selfish, doubtful, or distracted.

And yet, God still loves us.

Psalm 139 reminds us that there is nowhere we can go where God is not already there.

Psalm 139:7-8 (NIV)
⁷ Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? ⁸ If I ascend into Heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Hell, behold, You are there.

That verse overwhelms me in the best way.

I cannot outrun Him. I cannot hide from Him. I cannot wander so far that He loses sight of me. Even when I make my bed in the wrong place, with the wrong attitude, or in the middle of a mess I created myself, God still knows exactly where I am.

He is not shocked by me.

That alone is enough to make me want to sit down and cry a little.

God’s Love Does Not Quit

The Lord’s love is not like human love. Human love can get tired. Human love can get offended. Human love can walk away.

God’s love is faithful.

He sees the whole picture. He knows our beginning, our ending, and every messy middle part in between. He knows what we meant to do, what we actually did, and what we wish we could undo.

And still, He loves us.

That does not mean He ignores sin. It does not mean He approves of every choice we make. A loving Father corrects His children. But correction is not rejection.

That is important.

God’s discipline is not proof that He stopped loving us. It is proof that He loves us too much to leave us where we are.

Choosing God Every Day

Today, I am choosing to love the Lord.

Not because I am perfect.
Not because I have earned His love.
Not because I have it all together.

I am choosing to love Him because He first loved me.

I am choosing to accept His love, even when I do not feel worthy of it. I am choosing to believe His grace is bigger than my failures. I am choosing to trust that His mercy is new every morning, even on the mornings when I wake up already needing it.

And I am asking Him to help me love others better, too.

I want to choose love when I am irritated.
I want to choose love when I feel misunderstood.
I want to choose love when forgiveness does not come naturally. I want to choose love when my pride wants the final word.

That is not something I can do on my own.

Thankfully, God never asks us to do hard things without Him.

What Real Love Looks Like

Love is not always easy. Sometimes it is sweet and natural, and sometimes it feels like a choice we have to make with clenched teeth and a prayer under our breath.

But God shows us what real love looks like.

He stays.
He forgives.
He pursues.
He corrects.
He restores.

And every single day, we get to choose how we respond to that love.

Today, I choose Him.

To GOD Goes The Glory!

Have A Blessed Day

Let’s End With A Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank You for loving me with a faithful and everlasting love. Thank You for loving me even when I fall short, make mistakes, or wander away from You. Help me to accept Your love instead of believing I have to earn it.

Lord, teach me to choose love in my relationships. Help me love my family with patience, my friends with grace, and others with the kindness You have shown me. When love feels hard, remind me that You are with me and that Your Spirit can help me respond with wisdom and mercy.

Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for seeing me, knowing me, correcting me, and still calling me Yours. Today, I choose to love You, follow You, and trust You more.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.